Learning how to adult.

Learning how to adult is hard.  I’m at that age where everyone I know (including myself, to an extent) is incredibly politically opinionated.  Conversations get emotional and heated, and feelings get hurt.  I’m making it my goal to be more tolerant and open minded of others’ opinions, and to step away from arguments that have no good outcomes.

The problem is, what do you do when the person you’re in a discussion with is like a bloodhound, not willing to concede there’s a difference in opinions? I see this quality in myself, my partner, basically in most people I interact with.  And it’s not necessarily a bad quality – it shows engagement in society and an interest in making improvements.  But it sure is exhausting!

I’m finding myself reading facebook less and less frequently, as my far right and far left acquaintances continue to push their stance on friends and family on a daily basis.  This week we got a new PM in Australia, and I was subjected to a comment from a non-Australian saying “as long as it’s not a leftie”.  Like the actual policy decisions they support don’t count for anything, as long as they push the right agenda.

Seriously.  Exhausting.

I wouldn’t change it, but I really do miss being in my late teens, early twenties, and being oblivious to politics.  Obviously I was living in a lovely naive bubble, but it was a pretty nice bubble!

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Father’s Day 2015

Father’s Days and Mother’s Days are always wrought with so much emotion.  The media and facebook posts would have us believe that we all experience it in the same way but that’s definitely not the case.  For some, it’s an outpouring of love, for other’s, it’s much more complicated than that.

So on these days. my heart goes out to people who have parents who have passed away, experienced mental illness, or suffered abuse or neglect.

The good thing is that it seems like traditional gender roles are changing, albeit slowly.

From an article in The Conversation:

Today’s fathers are far more eager to take on the job of fatherhood and are determined to be less distant and more hands-on than their own fathers.

The most emotional part of my book Fathers, Sons and Lovers was when I got men talking about what they wished their dad had done. One said sadly that it would have been great to get a hug from his dad.

The result? Today’s dads are determined to take up the role and do it better.

Biological and Cognitive Aspects of Depression

It’s mid semester break, and I’m meant to be catching up on all of my readings for my subjects, but it’s tough.  One of my subjects, Psychopathology and Models of Intervention requires 6-8 hours of reading per week (with 6 weeks worth of reading so far) and I can’t seem to stay focused for that long and retain the knowledge.

All week I’ve been trying to wade through the readings on depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, suicide and schizophrenia.  It’s rather bleak, and every now and then I’ve had to take breaks to go out in the sunshine and workout at the gym.

But I figure another good way to procrastinate… I mean.. get perspective, is to share some information here.  So here are some things I’ve learned about depression.

Cognitive Aspects

There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that depression is as a result of cognitive processes – so the way we think and perceive the world.

A precursor to depression is a tendency to think negatively about life, and to interpret daily events in a negative manner e.g. imagining the worst in every situation.  As this occurs more and more often, it starts to become a  negative schema .  A schema is a framework or template of thoughts, opinions, values, ideas, etc. that allow us to interpret situations quicker.  So if we have a an unpleasant upbringing, or experience a lot of negative events, over time we might develop a negative schema about ourselves, other people or the world around us.

When this negative self talk is coupled with the belief that we’re a failure and that there’s no hope for improvement, we can fall into the trap of learned helplessness.  The theory of learned helplessness has been observed in animals as well as people who (through experience) perceive they have no control over their lives.  So animals that are punished for no reason, at unknown times, without any opportunity to improve their situation have been found to just give up.  The same has been found in people – if they feel that the bad things will happen to them irrespective of what they do, they lose hope.

So although this wasn’t covered in the textbook – the key thing I took away from this is that, coupled with neural plasticity (the theory that our brain continues to develop throughout life, new connections between neurons form and existing ones strengthen as a result of our experiences and thought processes), it is important to build positive schemas and consciously stop yourself ruminating negatively.

Studies mentioned in my textbook (Alloy & Abramson, 2006; Alloy, Abramson, Safford, & Gibb, 2006; Abela & Skitch, 2007; Haeffel & Hames, 2013) demonstrated that people with negative schemas (i.e. dysfunctional attitudes_ are 12 times more likely to suffer a depressive episode than those who have a more positive or realistic attitude, and this poor cognitive bias is contagious – if you live with someone who thinks negatively, it is likely to rub off.

Biological Aspects

Okay so there are actually a lot of biological factors involved in depression and mood disorders (including genetics, hormones and the endocrine system), but I’m sharing this one because it was news to me and it fits in with my strongly held belief that exercise is good for mental health.

Depression is linked with high levels of cortisol, which is called the stress hormone (it is released during stressful situations, so fight/flight, and alongside this our autonomic nervous system prepares us to respond, and our immune system is dampened).  High levels of cortisol for long periods of time has been found to cause a reduction in volume of the hippocampus.  A smaller hippocampus region has been found in people suffering from depression and those at higher risk of having a depressive episode.

The key thing is…

  • Some studies have found that the effects might be able to be reversed by increasing the volume of the hippocampus.
  • One way of increasing volume of the hippocampus found in experiments with rats is exercise.

What makes me sad is that this is a catch 22 – side effects of depression include fatigue and learned helplessness, so it’s unlikely people suffering from depression will actually become active.  But I think if therapists combine CBT (cognitve behavioural therapy – helping clients change their schemas) alongside physical activity, it would be hugely beneficial.

Every psychology student knows that you have to take a holisitic view when helping people, (i.e. consider the biological, social and psychological factors), but I wonder how therapists can help clients get physically active when therapy is restricted to the clinician’s room.

Reference:

Barlow, D. H., Durand, V. M., & Stewart, S. H. (2014). Abnormal psychology: An integrative approach. Toronto: Nelson Education

Gratitude #5

Woo! Last day of writing a gratitude list for uni!

Firstly, a reflection.  Writing a list every day has been a bit annoying and time consuming, but I think it’s really made this week more enjoyable.  This grey, wet weather has been getting me down, and I’ve been struggling with juggling uni, work and gym.  On top of that, Pete’s having a stressful time at work, so it would’ve been really easy to be unhappy, irritable or argumentative this week.

Instead, I’ve found myself exercising greater appreciation of the small things and by talking about it and sharing it with others, I feel like I’ve been able to spread the happiness.

Alongside gratitude, we also did some readings on savouring.  One reading in particular stood out, the author was a professor and he said he was going to be doing a speech to recognise some undergrad psych students for their academic achievements.  He told them to really savour the moment, to listen to every word in his speech, to congratulate themselves and allow a moment of self-pride and to share this moment with others if they could, either by taking family members along, by calling them afterwards or even writing a letter about the experience.

This really struck a chord with me, because I’m very much aware of the tall-poppy syndrome and know that it’s easier to not share success with others.  Because of this, I spent a moment reflecting on the fact that I might be graduating this year, and to fully appreciate the work that’s gone in to get this far.

While I was doing my reading, I got some great news from my boss.  Something I’ve been working on for the last 10 months has come to fruition, and will be resulting in success and recognition for my whole team.  My immediate response was to think, “I can do better!” and I had to stop and force myself to really savour the moment and congratulate myself.  And you know what…it feels really good!

Okay, now onto the list.

Gratitude List – Saturday 29/08/2015

I’m firstly grateful for my health and my body.  I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have my physical and mental health, and it serves me well every moment of every day.  I started the day with my usual Saturday morning gym session, and I noticed that I’m able to do tricep pushups really well – which is something I really struggled with in the beginning.  I felt very grateful to be whole, healthy and strong.

I’m grateful for the time Pete spends with me, and how much he cares about my interests.  I know some people tend to zone out when their partners talk about work or study, things that are considered boring.  But Pete always listens.  On Saturday morning I relayed to him what I’d learnt about depression – the subgroups, symptoms, comorbid factors, etc.  He listened to every word, added more information and asked questions.  It’s because of this supportive attitude that encourages me to do well in my studies.

I had a call from my dad, and again, I was grateful for his health.  Can’t wait to catch up with him in person sometime soon.

I know I’ve mentioned this already as well, but I’m so grateful for friendships.  Although I didn’t spend any time with friends yesterday (spent the vast majority of the day studying), I was reminded of them on a few lovely occasions.  Firstly, I put on my favourite pair of boots to go out to brunch, and the sole of one felt slippery.  I looked underneath, and found a picture of Jenny’s face, which immediately brought a smile to my face.

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For context – when Pete and I went to Korea, Jenny and her partner (also Peter) house-sat for us.  When they left, their parting gift was pictures of Jenny’s face in all sorts of random locations and we’ve been finding them ever since.  This one was great because it took 5 weeks to be found.  It’s like a treasure hunt in my own house.

Later in the day, I got a call from another friend.  One that I haven’t seen in a few months, and I’ve been missing her a lot.  We had a good chat and planned a catch up for tomorrow.

Lastly, I’m grateful for the mid semester break.  I really hope I can get on top of my readings in the next week, this semester is proving to be a lot tougher than I expected.  A week without classes is exactly what I need.

Gratitude #4

This week has been tough, so this gratitude list thing is starting to get difficult.  One more day to go!

Gratitude list for Fri 28/08/2015

  1. Being able to open the jam jar – I’m going to take small wins today, and seeing as there are about 3 jars in the fridge that I couldn’t open, I was pretty happy to open this last one.  I know the usual tricks – boiling water over the seal, or jamming a knife in underneath, but still – opening it with my own two hands is the most satisfying.
  2. Grey days – I’m definitely dying for summer to come back, I’m not at all a winter person, however I spent the day at home studying and it was really nice to look out at the grey day through the giant window in the lounge room.  The wind was sweeping the tree branches around, and the general feeling was quite cozy indoors.
  3. When grey days turn sunny – there was some sunshine in the afternoon that cheered me up considerably.  And the mornings are starting to lighten earlier and earlier, so I know the sunshine is just around the corner.
  4. My gym – I don’t know what I’d do without my gym.  It is the source of so happiness for me.  In the gym I find challenge and triumph.  Peace and quiet, plus loud music and instructors yelling.  I go through ups and downs, and right now I’m in a bit of a down – still struggling to get the routine I had pre-Korea, but every day I go is a day I spend full of endorphins and satisfaction.
  5. John Oliver – seeing John Oliver was great, and I got a really pleasant surprise with his opener – Celia Pacquola, she was fantastic.  Laughter is good for the health, and doing something fun with Pete after a difficult week was just what we needed.
  6. My work’s whatsapp chat (funny memes) – I’m so lucky to work with such a funny, close knit group.  Even on the days I’m not around, I get to see their hilarity in the group chat on my phone, and it always makes me happy.

Gratitude #3

Gratitude List Thu 27/08/2015

A full day at work means that a lot of these will be work related.

  1. Autonomy in the workplace – I’m working on a kind of difficult project at the moment, and came across a stumbling block.  I felt disheartened for a brief moment, but I have the time and autonomy at work to go away, think about it, come up with a solution and share it with colleagues.  While I don’t think I have the creativity to come up with new ideas on the spot, I appreciate the fact that my job suits my working style.
  2. My work shares the same values as me – I went to a 1.5 hour seminar on mental health run in the workplace by Beyond Blue.  The psychologist who ran it was a great public speaker, and integrated anecdotal stories as well as evidence and facts from the diagnostic statistical manual (DSM).  I was thankful that my work takes mental health seriously and that they disseminate credible knowledge.
  3. Good coffee baristas – The guys at the coffee shop nearby not only make great coffee, but they know how to pronounce and spell my name.  Small things, but very much appreciated.  After having so much trouble getting decent coffee in Korea, I’m still appreciating the coffee culture in Melbourne.
  4. My favourite band are going to play one last time together, although they stopped/retired a few years ago.  It doesn’t sound like much, but music is incredibly important in my life, and I’ve liked this particular band since I was 11 years old.  I can’t wait to see them one more time.
  5. Being dry when it is raining – lunch time was a bit miserable yesterday, walking around and getting half soaked in the rain.  So when it came to home time, I was dreading the walk across the city to Pete’s car.  As I was leaving the building, he called and said he was done with work and would be picking me up from my office.  The timing was perfect, and I’m thankful for the warm, dry drive home with great company.
  6. Amelia – I’m so grateful to have Mila in my life and I wish I could see her more.  My best friend’s daughter – 2 years old, about 2-3′ tall, is very cute, and adores Pete.  Yesterday he got a call from Mila, so when I heard about it later that day I got jealous and had to call her on the way home.  We didn’t talk much, but just hearing that voice was enough to make me happy.

Gratitude #2

Gratitude for Wed 27th August

1. My flexible workplace, where they work around whatever hours I need (I stayed at home and studied yesterday)

2. The privilege of going to uni – it’s not something I could afford when I was younger, and I know there must be many people in the same position

3. 3rd year content – the subjects I’m studying are finally very practical and I can see the long term benefits of studying them

4. Money – I’m very fortunate to live comfortably, and buy whatever we need without stressing about our budget. I try to share this by donating my time, money and effort wherever possible.

5. Our dishwasher – I still remember the time I lived alone without a dishwasher. Washing all the dishes by hand was a tedious waste of time.

6. My friends – even when I don’t see them often, I get messages and pictures sent throughout the day and they always make me happy.

7. Following on from number 6, I’m grateful for my phone and social media/chat apps – I love staying in touch with the people I care about.

8. My cat – it’s amazing how much happiness and well-being pets can bring. Before Pete came along, Missy was my only company at home for a long time. I’m grateful for her furry little face.

9. The ability to cook, access to my kitchen – for 5 weeks in Korea I didn’t have access to a kitchen, so now I’m very appreciative of the ability to cook. Last night I randomly decided to make crispy chicken tenders with a side salad and it was entirely within my control

10. Chocolate – I’ll be grateful for chocolate every day of the week 🙂