The last 3 months have been emotionally taxing.
I finished my final exams and felt some sadness at having to leave this university. Unfortunately, they only offer psychology honours 2.5 hours away from where I live, so studying there wasn’t viable. But that said, I wasn’t guaranteed to be offered honours anywhere else, so I was quietly worried that I’d have to accept an offer from RMIT and either commute massively each day or move houses.
On top of this, I was burnt out from studying all year without a break (studied overseas midyear). I managed to have 2 full days off work where I lounged around and played Fallout 4 to my hearts content. This brief bout of lazy happiness ended, and I increased my work hours to full-time.
Soon after, I was offered a secondment in what seemed like a normal role, but I eventually realised it was much more difficult than I expected. I was leading a team who appeared to be fully functioning and well skilled, however it turned out that they had just passed through the forming-storming phases, and were yet to norm. These meant many issues, technical errors, and arguments about the best way to do thing. 3 months later, this role has come to an end, and I’m hopeful that I’ve helped them transition and left them in a stronger position then when I began.
During this time, I also graduated. I can’t describe the joy I felt from receiving the certificate and celebrating with loved ones. After going through high school imagining I was dumb, hearing similar comments from my mother, it was a huge relief to have that piece of paper that proves otherwise. I received my final results soon after, and although they weren’t as great as I would have liked, they weren’t bad at all.
Then the worrying began. Were my results good enough to get into honours? Each university only takes in approx 20-60 honours students, so it’s incredibly competitive. I began to doubt my own abilities, and when I received the offer from RMIT I immediately accepted. Then the other offers started to come in, and instead of it being a relief, it actually became a lot harder to decide what to do. The first offer that came through was from a lesser institution, so I declined. The third offer was also a less credible institution, however I accepted, to ensure I wouldn’t commute 2.5 hrs each way each day. More offers, more changes. It was exhausting. It was only in the last fortnight that I finally received an offer that ticked all the boxes – credible institute and decent location (45 min travel time) but I was still hesitant to cancel all other offers because the next hurdle had to be surmounted.
Getting the right supervisor is tough at the best of times, and it requires students to really put themselves out there. You have to somehow figure out what you’re interested in (hard when undergrad only gives a shallow understanding of many topics, with no opportunity to get in-depth with anything), find supervisors at the uni you’ve been accepted into who not only match your interests but are also experienced, well qualified, and can give you the support you need, and then convince them that they should supervise you for the next 12 months. It was even harder for me, because by accepting this offer late in the process, I had very limited options of available supervisors.
Somehow it all worked out in the end. Earlier this week I met with 2 supervisors who sounded great, and in person, one clearly stood out as having a similar work ethic as myself. The relief I felt when she confirmed that she would be happy to supervise me was MASSIVE.
Now the next part of this journey begins. I’ve heard that honours year in psych is quite literally the worst year of most people’s lives. Worse than undergrad, masters, PhD. Apparently I should expect ~3 hours sleep at night and zero social life.
With it starting in less than 2 weeks, I’m now hoping to manage people’s expectations. I’ve reduced my work hours even more, warned family I might not see them weekly anymore, and now I need to break the news to my friends that I’m probably not going to be around this year. Other than that, I’m trying to do all of my favourite things. Socialising, cooking, video games, vegging on the couch, gym.
I imagine this will be a year for a lot of sacrifice. Hopefully I survive with my sanity intact.